By Fatuma Yatani
It was a cold Saturday afternoon and I was just lounging in bed watching a movie, which means that am sick…okay okay what it really means is am broke.
So I get a text from my friend Mercy, I sit up straight.
‘Hey dear, am in town .where are you?’
You don’t want to seem like a loser who spends her weekend in bed so I reply:
‘Hey girl, heading to town but stuck in horrible traffic’.
She writes back almost immediately
‘Wow that’s great, please uniambie ukifika I want you to meet bae”
We all know that when a girl invites another girl to meet their man, it is to low key brag and rub it in your face her fine conquest or just want you to have the free food that he is offering.
I rush to the bathroom and get ready quickly, imagining that I could be stuck in traffic. Luckily I didn’t get into traffic on the way to town so I arrived in a record twenty minutes.
I hit her up and she tells me to meet them at Nairobi Java house.
I walk into the restaurant and quickly scan the room to see where Mercy is seated.She rushed to where I was standing smiling ear to ear, I knew she had hit a jackpot this time around, the guys she usually hangs out with are very sketchy or criminals but hey, I don’t judge. Whatever floats your boat.
She grabbed my hand and led me to their table and towards her man. And I came face to face with a 60 year old man.
‘Fatu, meet bae’ she said cheerfully.
I was beyond shocked, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
I tried to force a smile but my face was not cooperating.
‘Is this bae or dead?’ I remember thinking.
I was so uncomfortable being around these people, I had to excuse myself and go to the washroom immediately. I logged into my WhatsApp to see who will save me from this menace, I had to fake an emergency.
Mercy comes into the bathroom to look for me
‘What do you think? ‘
She asks me cheerfully, ‘isn’t he great?’
Great great grandfather, I thought.
But I nodded and told her I had to go somewhere but i will be back later (are you kidding me, I wasn’t planning on it,)but she couldn’t have it, she insisted that I have something before I go. Knowing Mercy she will pester me until I oblige.
I settled for a milkshake and got busy on my phone. People around us were giving us these judgmental looks probably wondering what we were doing with this old timer. I lowered my head completely just in case someone decide to take a picture of this ridiculous situation and share it on Instagram.Shit, and what if it trends like crazy before you know it Larry Madowo wants to have you on his show.
The waiter brings my order, I try to finish it all in one gulp. But ouch, brain freeze I should have thought this through. Why order something super cold when you are in a hurry, even the universe is against me.
‘Your friend is very shy’. The grandpa tells Mercy.
She laughed it off and continued chatting.
They were so engrossed in a conversation they didn’t notice how uncomfortable I was, they were planning on going to coast over the weekend. From what I gathered he was supposed to go for a very important business meeting over there, am guessing that information is for the wife’s benefit or maybe he does have a very important meeting to attend but who really cares?
I sat there sipping my milkshake, shaking my head, the pastoralist in me could not fathom what was happening in front of my eyes.
To be continued……..